Online dating websites black people

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When I thought about whether my race was a factor in my relationships, the idea made me panicky and sick.

My biggest fear was that no one wanted to choose me because I was black, and yet I felt guilty for doing the same thing, since the only black person I’d ever dated was that boy in sixth grade. At first I ignored the Ok Cupid blog post, but it put a pin on the race issue, like a little red flag I’d be forced to come back to.

I grew up in Palo Alto, the predominately white, affluent city in Northern California that’s home to Stanford University.

It was idyllic in some ways—I can’t thank my parents enough for busting their asses through far more intolerant times than my own to make it our home—but being an “other” in a nearly homogeneous community had a profoundly destabilizing effect on my identity.

The truth was, at the time I felt I shared a stronger commonality with people who were white. And things shifted in me after the killing of Trayvon Martin, as more and more black folks got shot and tensions between the police and people of color reached a fever pitch.

I was stuck in traffic on the Long Island Expressway, listening to , when I had “the moment.” It was 2014, and the video of Eric Garner dying in Staten Island after a police choke hold had just surfaced. That was a big deal for me—and it was the moment I realized how much I do have in common with people of color.

I felt like I was walking around with something in my teeth and no one was telling me.

I didn’t recognize myself in the portrayals of black life I saw in pop culture, the few other black kids at my schools couldn’t understand why I “talked so white,” and nobody got why my first celebrity crush was Jeff Goldblum in (so scary, so sweaty, so sexy—am I right? And while I went full Becky in my youth, my older brother fell deep into Asian culture—Asian drag racing and, yes, Asian girlfriends.

My parents, who’d hoped we would hold on to our culture, were like, “What did we do wrong?

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